Locked Stocked Two Smoking Barrels
by grimreaper's lost soul
Summary: Gunsmith by trade, Mercenary by title, Wanderer by choice, what would've happened if Revy hadn't taken Rock hostage that day, but a somewhat laid back male with a love for guns greater than her own, but who is the Slade, just another nomad making his way or another cold blooded killer. Take a peek and find out, follows the timeline with minor changes. Infrequent updates at best.
1. Chapter 1

Cruise liner Vessel  
'Saint Anne'  
South China Sea

My name is William 'Slade' Spruce of British descent; I am a Gunsmith by trade, mercenary by description a wanderer by choice. I had lost my left eye and left lobe of my brain when a hopped up gunman fired a round blindly into my store, I had worked in the gun-smithing since the age of eighteen and had become quite renowned for my art in the making of some very exclusive firearms, though that soon passed as I had an intensive rehabilitation due to the sudden loss of control on the right side of my body, enough on the past, here, today, I was standing upon the 'Saint Anne's' deck; I stood at the height of five twelve, had long dark brown unkempt hair, sharp face, unshaven goatee growing around my mouth an eye-patch over my left socket.  
I was donning my 'civilian' which consisted of a black plain tee-shirt and dark blue jeans, combat boots and a long tan trench coat, underneath which I had six holsters, the first two under each armpit were two Berretta 92F long-slide pistols with an in built compensator and extended magazine, both pistols were modified to use .40 Smith and Western Calibre rounds made of tungsten.  
The two that sat beside my hips were two self designed, forged and built 13mm Casull ultra long-slide fully automatic pistols with forty round clips in each with high explosive mercury tips, even a glancing hit was capable of killing any man.  
Finally the last two were located on my lower back, two once again self designed, forged and built .45 Long colt revolvers, one was a polished white silver while the other was matte black; both revolvers had eight chambers in the cylinder and had a 'top brake' mechanism with an auto ejector, but the final and most interesting feature was the revolvers six o'clock barrels.  
I reached for a pack of sweet Williams's cigars' and Zippo lighter clenching the brown wrapped stress relief between his teeth; I sparked up inhaling the nicotine with little to no problem, which was when I felt it, the cold feeling of a Berretta 92FS pistol, some would ask how I'd come to know of a weapons make and model without having to look at it, the fact was I was a natural when it came to designing and maintaining weapons of any type.

"Hello there, I'll be your entertainment for the evening." Came the voice of captor a voice of one very smug spoken woman. 'No-one I've encountered has ever been capable of sneaking upon me... interesting.' I thought to myself, turning slowly as not to seem like a threat, looking directly at the weapon pressed against my head, I knew for certain of what it was. 'Berretta 92FS Made of Stainless steel Configured with a five point nine inch barrel the slide an inch longer the any standard pistol of that model adjusted sights for ambidextrous use, Ivory grips and of course an adjusted hairpin trigger.' I smiled somewhat. "Hello yourself beautiful." I spoke aloud for the first time since this encounter, soaking in the woman's image and committing it to memory, brown purple hair the femme fettle face, curved body and clothes. 'Or lack thereof.' I thought to myself, she wore a sleeveless black top that stopped just below her E-cup borderline F-cup breasts with a pair of quick draw waist holsters, her flat but somewhat toned stomach exposed, she wore some very close cut hot pants made of denim but left little to the minds imagination, finished off with some polished black combat boots.

"Well at least you're not as lecherous as the last guy I snuck up on." She spoke honestly, well it wasn't like I'd try and disguise it, I had a healthy appreciation for the female body, not to the extent of being perverted, but thoughts of us going at it like rabbits did cross my mind.  
"I'd ask why you've got a gun to my head, but by the looks of things your friend is done with getting whatever the hell you came for." I spoke pointing my head towards an approaching male of African descent, holding a Remington 870 marine magnum in both hands, the guy had me beaten in muscle and behind the shades he wore I could tell the man was a soldier, through and through, he donned a green tactical vest white vest and green combat BDU pants with combat boots, the guy was bald and had a cigarette in his mouth. "Dutch you got what we came for?"

"Sure have Revy now let's get the fuck out of dodge before these guys decide to send out a distress call." The woman now named Revy gave a nod towards the now named African American Dutch, I reached up and took another drag of my Sweet Williams cigar blew the nicotine infused smoke through my nostrils. "Yeah sure thing Dutch, but this job is a rip off, we're only getting twenty thousand, and I'm betting whatever's on that disk is worth thirty... minimum."

"So?" Dutch replied. "So I'm gonna get us another fifteen or so by taking our friend along for the ride." She responded, moving beside me and putting her free hand over my shoulders whilst keeping the gun to my temple. Luckily enough with my arms down beside my sides she didn't end up figuring out I was carrying some equipment of my own. "Sure thing beautiful, but first I need my briefcase, it's got all of my cash cards and so on inside, it's in my room one-one-zero."

"Dutchy baby why don't you grab it I'll keep our guests from doing anything." The African American gave out a sigh, he knew when Revy found something interesting she wouldn't give up till she either got bored or got whatever she could from the person or thing that perked her interest in the first place.  
It took no less than six minutes before Dutch Revy and I were aboard an ELCO and Higgins PT boat, though I wasn't one for naval vessels I could tell it must've had some, unique upgrades if the speed and silence of the vessel were to indicate, the three of us were in the PT's cabin where I was leant against some equipment, Revy across from me whilst Dutch drove the vessel and a third crewmen made himself known.  
"Now hot stuff what's the combination and is there anything we should know before I decide to squeeze my baby's trigger just a little." Revy asked somewhat calmly, stress the word calmly, but never the less. "The code for the left is two-five-eight; the code for the right is seven-nine-two and you have to twist the latches counter clockwise or else you'll get hit in the face by a flash grenade, there's a Taurus Raging bull revolver strapped to the lid in a quick draw holster and two tear gas grenades beside it, inside is some coded documents, and my bank account information." I drawled out, luckily no one had the foresight to pat me down otherwise they would've found me packing six other weapons.

"Do as he says Benny, I can see it in his eyes, he's telling the truth." The now named Benny was donning a god awful Hawaiian print orange shirt and grey pants with black dress shoes, he long blonde hair pulled into a pony tail of sorts and had a pair of glasses on his nose, quickly doing as he was told Benny unlocked the case exactly as I told him to, with the case open before the group they found everything there, including the bank account details and the hidden flash grenade.

"Now that's an impressive set up dude, what makes you have to booby trap a case this extensively?" Benny asked, his curiosity was obviously peaked. "I'm in the gun business." I replied with a half lie.

"So I wasn't seeing things you had analysed my guns, assessed the threat and my skill in a second, now I'll be the first to admit that, that is impressive." Revy stated, still having her gun aimed somewhat lazily towards my head.  
"No what's impressive is that your ambidextrous, self taught and made one simple mistake."

"Oh what's that?" she replied with a smile. "I'm ambidextrous also." I said drawing my two Casull 13mm fully automatics' out aiming one towards her and the other towards Dutch. "I stand corrected hot stuff, that is one pair of really impressive handguns you have yourself there!" Revy responded whilst she had also drawn her second handgun alongside her first. "They should be there the worlds only thirteen millimetre fully automatic ultra long-slide handguns, both loaded with a forty round clip with each round made of tungsten and mercury tipped even a graze from a round can kill due to the poisoning you'd receive." I rattled off, before finishing off with their names. "I call them the Casull twins."

Revy's face grew a very large smirk. "However I'm not an overly violent man so how about I put my guns down you do the same." I asked. "On three." Revy responded.

"One..." I said.

"Two..." Revy said

"Three!" We both instantly lowered and holstered our guns, Benny and Dutch gave sighs of relief. "Maybe next time we bring someone along for a ride we search 'em for firearms as well." Dutch pointed out to no one in particular.  
"Alright guys since we've all had enough with the tense situation, how about I pay you guys for this little trip and I'll get myself topside." Dutch gave a nod towards Benny, who took me to his little slice of heaven, where I gave him the necessary details to withdraw twenty thousand dollars, before making my way topside to smoke another Sweet Williams cigar.

"You're not any normal businessman, I can tell by that look in your eyes." Cam the voice of Revy. "True, but it was a half truth, I'm in the gun business you just don't know how, better yet why haven't we introduced ourselves... my name is William 'Slade' Spruce."

"Of Slade Armaments! Oh. My. God... please for the love of all that is good, autograph my babies!" Revy squealed somewhat girlishly, pulling a sharpie pen from nowhere, and one of her Berretta's, smirking in amusement I signed her Cutlasses' with the sharpie she had given, not an easy feat while on a PT boat but it was done with practiced ease. 'signing hundreds of forms a week will do that.' I thought bitterly to myself.

"That bitch Eda is not going to believe this shit, you sir have made me into a happy woman." She said while sauntering off back into the Cabin, her round ass swaying, in a way that teasing just didn't cut it. A few hours came and went, when a faint noise caught my attention, coming up on our six was a sight I knew I'd be damning for the rest of my living years. A single Hind-D attack gunship loaded with a full anti-armour load out, dumb fired missiles, guided missiles and no doubtedly a fifty calibre nose mounted chain gun.

One word came to mind, and that word was. shit.

Quickly entering the cabin I yelled out to Dutch. "Hind-D with anti armour coming in on our six below radar!" Dutch without even thinking swerved the PT boat left just as a volley of missiles struck the spot we once were.  
"Son of a- Dutch what the hell was that!" came the shout of one startled Benny. "Hind-D with some anti armour loaded onto it!"

"Dutch what have you got on the terms of weapons capable of hitting that bitch!" I yelled while the PT swerved the opposite direction narrowly escaping another volley of dumb fired rockets. "A Gepard Anti material Rifle, that's about it!"

"It'll do, just keep them off us, I might be able to cook up something to kill that bitch!" I yelled. "What are you talking about?" Dutch barked towards me. "I'm doing what I do best, come up with specialist ammo on the fly!"

It was several minutes into the chase when we were backed into a corner when Dutch tried to evade another Volley of missiles we ended on a river with a rather large waterfall that cut us off from travelling any further upstream, the only way was back towards the fucking Hind where it hovered in wait, the pilot in the fucking thing was a sadistic fuck.  
'Son of a bitch.' I exclaimed as I finished putting the finishing touches to my new round, I knew Revy would enjoy something like this, but right now we needed a plan that'd work, something that would be too bat shit insane to even consider.

"I fucking got it!" Quickly making my way into the cabin I caught the attention of the Lagoon Company trio. "We play chicken, I won't say this is the brightest idea I've ever had but this tub is designed so it aquaplanes right?"

"Yeah at top speed the hulls only a few inches in the water." Responded Benny. "Revy get this loaded into your AT rifles clip three rounds in, Dutch I saw that boat on our way in, would you say that the wrecks hull is angled good enough to use as a ramp?"

"Yeah I'd say so."

"And your carrying torpedo's right?"

"Yeah..." Dutch's eyes grew behind his glasses as he pieced it all together. "You're a real crazy son of a bitch you know that, we're going to use our torpedos as some improvised missiles while we're in the air, Revy's going to put the Hind into an air superiority role." The other two Lagoon Company members were shocked at the sheer idea of this plan.

"Only using two rounds, the third is for when we're just about to hit the ramp." I replied. "Why?"

"You'll see... so are you guys wanting to give it a shot?"

"Fuck it, you only live once and if we live through this, let's just say the bragging rights are going to be immense."

Minutes passed quickly as we all rocketed towards our target, Revy had put two rounds into the bullet resistant glass, and just as predicted the Pilot went into a superiority role, right in front of our true target. 'God I hope this half assed plan of mine works!'

As soon as we reached the ramp Revy put the third round into the bullet resistant glass, when it made contact there was a huge white flash. "A flash round! You incredible fuck, the pilot and gunner are blind!" and with that said we hit our target and deployed our 'missiles' one went wide by a foot or so but the other found purchase right in the cockpit the bird spiralled out of control before impacting with one of the banks. Causing a massive explosion and shockwave to boot.

"And the quarterback is toast!" I joked rather lamely, if their reactions were anything to go by. "What... okay I'd like you guys to come up with a good one liner for this clusterfuck we just survived?"

With neither coming up with a retort I quickly realised where our destination was. 'Roanapur, your based in Roanapur!' I thought to myself, quickly entering the bay area, and the nearby docks I found a whole welcoming committee stood there, some Japanese Business types, standing alongside some Russian Military types.  
Once docked we watched as the deal proceeded without any sort of a hitch and once the deal was done I quickly made my way over to the Japanese Suit whom the Russian Mafia leader Balalaika just handed the disk to I called for his attention.

"Hey Kageyama-San, I'd like to say thanks!" Said asshole looked somewhat shocked. "What for if I may ask?"

"For sending that fucking Hind-D after our asses and trying to waste us." Suddenly my knee found purchase on his crotch. "And consider that business partnership with Slade Armaments null and void you dick, you were trying to sell nukes off behind my back and use 'my' firm to take the heat if shit hit the fan when your buyers turned sour! Consider yourself lucky I'm not a violent person otherwise your brains would be all over the floor." I growled out.

Everyone including the Russians were surprised at the news. "Nukes!" Balalaika roared. "That was the information on that disk, the blackmail that would put the Asahi Industries under, your selling nukes!"

Needless to say Balalaika wasn't impressed with what she had just learned and all but demanded a very large increase in payment otherwise, Kageyama and his precious industry would find themselves on the front page of every paper in the world.  
And with the payment amended, the four of us hit the best bar in the city, the Yellow Flag. "Bao you Vietnamese son of a whore, two Bacardi's and the usual for Dutchy and Benny-Boy."

"Revy you S and M loving freak, payment before drink you know the policy!" with the beer paid for each and every one of us started having a good laugh, Revy and I were trying to out-drink the other, eventually we all broke up and tried to find a place to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Peace Walker Apartments'  
Penthouse Suite

I woke up with one hell of a headache, the feeling that this day was going to be one of little to no action, Somehow I managed to climb free of my king sized bed, stumble my way to the shower, setting the temperature fairly high I tried desperately to will the headache away, with little to no luck, but luckily enough, even in my drunk stupor I managed to purchase myself one of the best apartments going on the market, stripping nude I stepped into the steaming water the feeling of the my headache lessoning was a godsend, and after thirty minutes I stepped out dried myself and put on yesterday's gear seeing as I had left all my other clothes back on the ship.  
Quickly I made a mental checklist to get myself a Varity of other clothes and hopefully get around to selling off my latest weapons schematics to earn myself more cash.

Not that I needed it, any exclusive handgun made by myself personally easily made up to two million apiece, no two guns were the same each was made by hand from the smelting to the assembly each gun, each had their unique personalities and every single thing was taken into account hand, wrist and arm ergonomics were noted, how the muscles coped with the weight of the handgun itself, how a person glanced down their sights, ease of the slider, sensitivity of the trigger.  
All of it was a painstaking process that took months to earn that perfect match, a weapon so crafted to your body and preferences that when the user put it into its element, well they never wanted another handgun, I was damn proud to be able to craft such beautiful yet deadly weapons, and that was why I was in such demand by the filthy rich or corrupt, those that were usually ended up with second best quality work, only a select few had ever earned my respect to get one of my legendary weapons.

That's when the vertigo hit... "Slade! Slade! Come on, get up and shake it off man!" I could barely hear the words, the constant ringing in my ears almost blocking any sound, my vision was blurred and there was a smoking wall of sorts where an RPG round had struck. Glancing to my arms I was donning my Mercenary gear, a Browning M1919 30 calibre machinegun beside me.

"Fuck Rico's dead, these fucking Colombian fucks are trying to flank us!" Scrambling towards the Browning I managed to haul the anti infantry weapon and myself into cover. "Extraction what's your ETA!" I barked off into my throat mike. "Not soon enough, you have some serious fucking firepower headed your way!"

"Copy that, MSF. We. Are. Leaving!" I barked off once more. "Effective immediately we are now operating under Winter Contingency Protocols." No words were needed, my fellow squad mates began to set the tactical bunker buster type warhead to detonate within forty seconds. Checking the ammo belt I grabbed the Browning and swung around my cover, squeezing the trigger, causing the rounds to tare through the opposite side of the street, rending flesh from a good chunk of Colombian Militia types.

... Shaking my head I felt the vertigo like feeling subside. "One clusterfuck of an operation I keep reliving, I'd say I need a drink but then I'll have my migraine back to boot." I mumbled to myself, quickly grabbing the six holsters mounted on their harness I placed all six pistols inside their respective holsters, before donning my long coat, grabbing the lone credit card I quickly set off to get myself better equipped for my unexpected but not unwelcome stop in Roanapur.

It hadn't taken me long to get what I acquired from the shopping district, Four coats, seven shirts of various styles but each of them dark in colour tone, seven sets of jeans some boot cut others not, two pairs of combat boots, alongside a local gunsmiths re-shelling table along with his work bench, several jars of various grades of gun powder and a Winchester model 1897 "Trench Gun" which I'd thought would be a rather nice investment.  
With that taken care of and it all being delivered to my apartment, I decided to wonder somewhat aimlessly around Roanapur, till I came across the sight of Dutch, quickly deciding to catch up with the African American I took a steady pace beside him.  
"Dutch, I hope you could do me a favour."

"Depends on what you're asking Slade." The African American drawled. "Employment, you see till I can secure myself a nice piece of capital here, I need something that'll keep the wallet full."

"Sure Slade; I was going to offer you a job, but Revy pushed that back due to celebrations taking precedence over business." I smirked knowing that both Dutch and Benny would be feeling it a hell of a lot more than both Revy and I. "So do we have a job lined up or we getting a day's paid leave?"

"Ha, yeah right, no we got a job from a client wanting to remain anonymous, normally we don't do these sorts of jobs by nameless contacts, but there's a cargo liner scheduled to make a trip to Bangkok with some valuable 'technological' cargo." Dutch responded. "Sounds good, where's the PT because I got some gear to grab of my own."

"Down at the pier's it's a boathouse with an office atop of it, it's out of the way but if you know what to look for you can't miss it." I gave a nod, before turning away and walking towards my apartment. "Smells like a set up, I'll get myself some insurance; from that old geezer who sold me that very well kept Trench Gun." I muttered to myself.

It had taken twenty minutes but I had everything I needed stuffed into a recently purchased duffel bag, including my insurance, and I was glad for buying it, because that tingling feeling I always got when something incredibly wrong was about to transpire wasn't leaving any time soon, I had been walking for some time now down the length of the bay to find the one thing I needed to right now, the Lagoon Company head quarters.  
And true to Dutch's words, it was hidden in plain sight, it was a building with no distinguishable markings, no logo's or names, but it was too well kept to not be established by somewhat illicit means, such as a few small cases of piracy, or smuggling.

Walking up the wooden stairs, to the main door to the office I knocked on it a few times, for the door to be opened by Benny. "Oh Slade, you're here we were beginning to think you weren't coming..." I snorted at that comment. "Would've helped if I got an address, I've been looking for this place longer than I needed to."

"Oh, it probably slipped Dutch's mind, come on we're about ready to get going." I nodded and followed Benny's lead downstairs where the familiar sight of the PT was, the holes from the previous encounter with the hired Hind-D gunship were gone and the paintwork was fresh. "Damn you guy's work quick."

"Thank Balalaika for that, said it was coverage for some people trying to hide fact behind her back, that and we got an extra twenty percent added to our fee."

"Sounds like someone who's good at getting what she wants." I replied, tossing my duffel bag onto the PT's deck before boarding myself, Benny hopped on moments later and threw the dock ties back onto the wooden planks, before walking inside the cabin.  
Not long afterwards we were underway, the PT tarring through the waves; I stood watching the passing scenery before we cleared Roanapur's bay and into open waters, I leant against one of the Torpedo tubes, reaching for my Sweet Williams cigars and sparked it up.  
"You seem to like it up here William; you never seem to be inside always on the deck."

"Too many close calls..." I sighed, as I thought back. "...It was a mission like any other my team and I had done, we were to infiltrate a Costa Rica facility owned by a now destroyed splinter CIA group known as Cipher; we were in a submarine just fringing the facilities naval patrols. It was a set up, while we were gearing up when sixteen planes flew directly over our sub using a very sophisticated sonar, they fucking depth charged us, I lost two men to getting trapped by debris, they drowned, since then I have avoided putting myself inside any naval vessel..."

"Fuck..." Revy muttered. "Thanks anyways Revy." Revy quirked an eyebrow, as she quickly put a cigarette in her mouth which I then lit using my signature Zippo. "What for?" she asked; I smiled towards her. "For calling me by my name not call sign, and for asking. The guys would've appreciated it." Revy shot me a smile; one I returned until I caught a glimpse of a group of vessels. "Fuck we've got company!" I yelled Revy turned to catch a glimpse of what I saw, six fast attack boats, closing in on our position in a reverse chevron pattern.  
"Dutch we've got company, and they don't seem like the type that wants to talk!" Revy listened into whatever Dutch was saying; I was making myself busy by pulling my insurance policy free of the duffel bag, pulling free the bulky form of a 'collapsed' Harkonen Anti-Material rifle, Revy had hopped through the fore hatch to retrieve her welcoming gifts no doubt, snapping the barrel into place followed by the rifle butt I lifted the flip iron sights and snapped the barrel, pulling free a single case labelled 'Dirty Rounds' I pulled free a eighty calibre depleted uranium tungsten round loading it smoothly and snapping the barrel closed.  
'Recoil's gonna be a real bitch!' I thought to myself as I lay prone eying through the iron sights, the Harkonen Anti-Material rifle was very rare and it had cost me some serious coin to acquire but it seemed that my 'insurance' was going to pay out. I had to constantly adjust for the waves which were an annoyance but as soon as i squeezed the trigger nothing would survive. The sound of a manic Revy brandishing her choice of welcoming gifts which I was very surprised to see, were an M79 breech loaded grenade launcher and a Uzi if I wasn't mistaken.

"Where in the hell did you have that?" Revy exclaimed practically drooling at the size of the Harkonen. "The bag..." I drawled, lining up the shot with one of the centremost vessels, squeezing the trigger needless to say the flash and bang were like a sonic boom point blank, I didn't even have to look at the results as one massive fireball erupted and debris rained over the area. "Scoped and dropped..." I said referencing Garrus from mass effect. "Hey Revy you want to know a gaming favourite of mine?"

"Sure."

"Let's play who's the better killer, looser buys the winner the Bacardi!" I smirked leaving the smoking Anti-Material weapon on the deck, pulling free my Hardballer's. "You're on!" She exclaimed as she launched her loaded HE grenade into one of the furthest tailing boats destroying it spectacularly. "Now we're even!" She yelled, and that was when I realised, we weren't picking up any speed, but cruising, that was when the two closest boats began to line up on our port and starboard sides, each loaded with Browning M2's. "Revy brace!" I yelled out Revy taking note of my tone quickly did so as Dutch suddenly dropped into reverse causing the two gunners miss as soon as they opened fire both boats quickly killed themselves off due to the cross fire.

"Fucking morons' learn to shoot you low lives!" The final two boats tried to perform a pincer manoeuvre, the key word being 'tried' as both Revy and I quickly killed off either crew, myself with precision shots that always hit their targets between their eyes, and Revy with ruthless use of fully automatic firepower and a grenade from her M79. "Now that was fun!" Revy exclaimed. "But who's the looser?"

"Neither of us seeing as we were capable of killing off two crews each, and Benny's our technician so he doesn't count in these events." Revy huffed at the Idea of losing out on some Bacardi. "However I'd like to say you're one of the most talented gunmen I've met and I suppose that ought to count towards something."  
Revy just shot me a look. "Are you complimenting me or just trying to get in my pants?" She asked, and I answered truthfully. "Both."

There was a moment of utter silence. "You have a serious pair of balls to say that to my face William, either that or you don't fear my capabilities at castrating men."

"It's not the size of the balls, it's how you put them to use before losing them that counts." I replied with a straight face, Revy got a blush gradually increasing in intensity.

"Ha I one upped you there Revy!"

...

...

"You fucker!"


End file.
